Exclusive Trading

E-Read This: Nobody Cares

Financial In Market

"However, they could have done connectivity right. For example, they could have promoted connecting the GBA to an electrical socket."Imagine this.

A good friend of yours tells you jumping off a one-thousand foot cliff onto a bed of glass spikes is fun. "There's nothing else like it, man" he says. So, you do it. Coming back a bloody and half decapitated mess, would you do it all over again thinking you somehow did it wrong? Would you think that perhaps the spewing blood from your sliced jugular vein got in your eyes and made this adventure less of an experience? No, you'd tie your friend up in duct tape and replace his limbs with parts of stuffed animals. It's called learning your lesson, something I think Nintendo is pretty much oblivious to.

Although many of their rampantly twisted decisions were made long before the GameCube, lets take a brief look at two products from this generation: the e-Reader and GBA connectivity.

Really, some may find it hard to believe that a company could ever be stupid enough to market these, but one must remember that Nintendo is not of this world. They have proven that in the past.

Hopefully, Nintendo will one day realize who their market is: people.E-Read this: Nobody Cares
The e-Reader is a device that connects to a GBA. Cards encrypted with a series of dots can be scanned in the e-Reader to play games or access special features. At first, I never paid attention to the e-Reader and had little idea of what it did. Then, I bought the GBA's version of the classic Super Mario Brothers 3, which came with two special e-Reader cards.

The first card I received was amazing. Get this: by using it with Super Mario Brothers 3, it adds ONE WHOLE raccoon tail to Mario's inventory.

...Awesome?

Nintendo, what the hell? There are a trillion raccoon tails in this game. It's not like I'm going to get to the last level, wish I had a raccoon tail, and then buy a forty dollar piece of hardware just to get one. I think I'd rather try not sucking at the game instead.

The second card included was an equally lame extra-level card. Again, I'm not going to pay that much money to take advantage of one small gimmick. Hell, the game itself only cost forty bucks.

Thus, Nintendo has not given me a single good reason to like the e-Reader. So, unless the e-Reader is proficient in talking dirty or something, I'm not going to buy it.

Wouldn't it be great if the e-Reader talked dirty to you? That'd be hilarious.

 Anyway, if the e-Reader can't even do that, it's about as useful as a woman that doesn't know how to cook.

Even Pokemon couldn't save the e-Reader, and some kids would buy rocks if told they are some type of Pokemon product. But, this is Nintendo's fault again. You can't battle with Pokemon using the e-Reader. Instead, you can only scan Pokemon cards into the GBA, and it will tell you stats about the Pokemon and how to use them in battle.

Why the hell would anyone want to do that? Who cares what the GBA has to say about your Pokemon? Most freaks that like the cards know everything about them anyway.

Now, if it talked dirty I'm sure many people would have forgiven Nintendo. Where's their innovation when we want it?

I'm starting to get chills.The e-Reader has failed miserably. It's debut was canceled in Europe, and it is basically being discontinued in North America. Hopefully, Nintendo will learn from that and realize that they can suck. Maybe then they'll stop being such one-minded zombies positive that everything they made was assisted by God.

The e-Reader has no point, other than to take your money and NOT talk dirty.

I'm going to patent a device like this.GBA Connectivity
Put simply, connecting the Gameboy Advanced to the GameCube is a stupid concept pursued in even more stupid ways. Some games are marketed emphasizing the connection, but much of the time this "innovating" feature simply unlocks something.

"CONGRATULATIONS!! You correctly connected your Gameboy cable into the GameCube! As a result, since I'm such a kind game, I'm giving you access to a bunch of useless crap you don't care about and will never use! Thanks for buying into my gimmick, tool!"

Forget the concept of playing the game to unlock stuff, plugging a cord into a box is much more gratifying.

Nintendo has tried other ways of promoting the connection, such as "Pac-Man VS," a fun game but only a small novelty, and "Final Fantasy: Crystal Chronicles," which has been labeled as less of a game because the connectivity makes the game cumbersome. So what does Nintendo do when they realize this? They promote the hell of it. They keep trying to support it even though it's an obvious failure. Nintendo is like the lab rat who, in an attempt to break out, constantly jumps head first into their electrical cage while the others search for a weakness.

However, they could have done connectivity right. For example, they could have promoted connecting the GBA to an electrical socket. At least the quick shock would provide a second or so of thrill, verses boredom when connecting it to the GameCube. Or, they could have put its development budget towards developing the dirty e-Reader.

Seriously, this would have sold so much better.Today's lesson.
Don't get me wrong: I love Nintendo and most of their games. But seriously, it wouldn't surprise me if Miyamoto enjoys flushing money down the toilets or simply smoking it. The e-Reader was a pointless idea, and promoting GBA connectivity is just as useless as trying to convince people jumping off cliffs onto beds of glass is fun. Nintendo still reiterates that these were revolutionary ideas, though.

What Nintendo really needs is a "consumer reader." I'm sure that, if they attach one to a GBA and read a customer's mind on what they think about the e-Reader and GBA connectivity, it would read something like this:

Want MORE GameCube Guy? Click here to check out his official website! Send him mail, read his sarcastic responses to your stupid letters, and much more! Go NOW!